Chapter 1 - Just a Splash
By the time Lily's scream cut across the backyard, Rachel had already been pretending for two hours that the family barbecue was going well.
The sun flashed on the pool, bright enough to hurt, and three neon pool noodles drifted lazily through the blue water as if nothing in the world could possibly be wrong.
Lily stood barefoot on the warm concrete, her little striped swimsuit dripping, her face red and wet with tears, one trembling finger aimed straight at Diane.
Rachel hurried over and crouched so quickly that her knees cracked against the concrete.
"Shh, it's okay, let's calm down."
Lily twisted in her mother's hands and sobbed harder, making the kind of broken, breathless sound that turned every adult head in the yard.
Diane, still standing at the pool edge in her navy swimsuit, planted both hands on her hips and stared down at the child with open irritation.
"What is she crying about now?"
Rachel felt the word now strike harder than it should have.
It made Lily sound spoiled, dramatic, exhausting, and somehow made Rachel feel as if she were responsible for all three.
Lily pointed harder.
"She splashed me!"
A few relatives laughed nervously, expecting the moment to pass.
Rachel forced a smile because she knew what everyone was thinking.
They were at a swimming pool.
Of course someone had gotten wet.
But Lily's panic did not look like an ordinary preschool meltdown.
Her whole body shook, and every time Diane took one step closer, Lily pressed herself deeper into Rachel's arms.
"I didn't want to get wet!"
Diane sighed and shook her head.
"We are at a swimming pool."
Rachel felt the familiar pressure to apologize before anyone could accuse her of making a scene.
She gathered Lily against her shoulder and stroked the wet hair away from her hot forehead.
"Sorry, she missed her nap today."
Diane gave a small, satisfied nod, as though the explanation had confirmed something she already believed.
Then Rachel noticed Mark standing in the kitchen doorway with his phone in his hand.
Her husband was not looking at Lily.
He was looking at Rachel.
And the phone was pointed directly at them.
Rachel's smile disappeared.
"Were you recording that?"
Mark lowered the phone too late.
"No."
Rachel stared at him.
"Mark."
He shrugged and glanced toward his mother.
"I was taking a video of the pool."
Diane stepped out of the water and wrapped a towel around herself with slow, deliberate movements.
"Don't turn everything into an accusation, Rachel."
That was Diane's favorite sentence whenever Rachel noticed something that made her uncomfortable.
Don't turn everything into an accusation.
Don't be sensitive.
Don't make a scene.
Rachel carried Lily inside to change, telling herself she was imagining the cold little exchange between mother and son.
In the guest bathroom, Lily finally stopped crying long enough to breathe without hiccupping.
Rachel knelt in front of her with a dry towel.
"Sweetheart, did Grandma splash you by accident?"
Lily shook her head immediately.
"No."
"Did she splash you because you were playing?"
Another hard shake.
Rachel kept her voice gentle.
"Then what happened?"
Lily looked toward the closed bathroom door.
Her expression changed from anger to fear.
"Grandma said you were going away."
Rachel froze.
"What?"
Lily whispered so softly Rachel almost missed it.
"She said I have to get used to being with her."
Rachel's hands stopped moving.
Lily clutched the towel against her chest.
"Then she pushed water on my face when I said no."
For several seconds, Rachel could hear nothing but the hum of the bathroom fan.
"Are you sure that's what she said?"
Lily nodded.
"She said Daddy knows."
Rachel's stomach turned cold.
A knock sounded on the bathroom door.
Mark's voice came from the other side.
"Rachel, Mom wants to talk to you before everyone leaves."
Rachel looked at her daughter.
Lily's eyes widened.
Then, with both small hands, she grabbed Rachel's wrist.
"Don't let her take me."
Rachel did not know yet whether Lily had understood the adult meaning of going away, but she understood the child's meaning perfectly.
To Lily, someone had told her that her mother could disappear and that another home was already waiting.
May you like
Rachel held her daughter close while Mark knocked again, and for the first time she wondered whether the scene by the pool had begun long before Lily ever touched the water.
The question followed her through the rest of the day: if Diane had already decided where Lily would live, what else had already been decided without Rachel?
